Love the Ones You're With (What I Learned This Week)

The unexpected death of a co-worker this past week brought about a lot of emotions and reflection about the things that are good, bad and indifferent about life. From the time I heard of his death up until now, there were so many things I thought about and observed as everyone processed the news. Here is what I learned:

• Your last encounter with that person doesn't define who you were to that person. Granted, I was not best friends with this particular co-worker, but it didn't stop me from feeling bad about the last encounter I had with him a few days before his death. I was in a hurry to get to my car and start my long weekend and I saw Mark on the sidewalk coming back from servicing a computer at a nearby doctor's office. He seemed to want to talk for what I thought was way too long but really only amounted to maybe a minute. I rushed the conversation along and wrapped it up so I could get home and forget about work and enjoy the vacation days I had taken to enjoy my birthday. When I heard of his death upon my return to work on Monday, at some point during the day I mentioned to another co-worker that I felt bad about my last encounter with Mark. My co-worker said, "He knew you were a good person. And you knew he was a good person. Not stopping to talk for too long when you're on your way home doesn't change that." Immediately I felt better because I knew he was right. It seems like when someone dies, we all think back to the last time we saw that person and judge the entire relationship on that last encounter. If you knew it was going to be the last time you saw that person, of course you would have acted a little differently. And that's OK. When you think about the relationship you had with someone who passes on suddenly, you should think of the entire relationship and not give more weight to the last encounter than to the entire relationship. Was your relationship with that person generally good? Did that person know you were a good person? Did you know that person was a good person? If the answer to all the questions is yes, then there is nothing to feel bad about.
• Let the people you love know that you love them. Losing a co-worker is a lot different than losing someone you love. When you see a person day in and day out it's human nature to take for granted the fact that you will continue to see them every day for years to come. The problem is that this fact is not really a fact. The reality is that without exception, from the moment we are born into this world, we all have to die. We're all going to die someday. And you should treat the people you care about like you care about them. You should love the people you love and make sure they know you love them. Let go of ego and pride that can create issues in relationships. Love people with your whole heart and appreciate them for what they are, even if they aren't exactly what you want them to be. If you don't do it today, you may regret it tomorrow.
• Find peace within yourself. You can't control what other people are going to think or do. Not everyone is going to like you. Sometimes you are misunderstood and sometimes you run into people who just don't like you for whatever reason. Friendships end. People change. It's nothing personal. Learn not to harbor negative feelings over things like this and instead accept the fact that people aren't always going to act the way you would like them to toward you. Sometimes there is nothing you can do about it. Learn when beyond your scope to fix it and let it be. Find your own peace, wish them well in your heart and move on.
• Stop skipping the good stuff. Make time to do the things you really want to do today. Learn how to dance, even if you're clumsy and have no rhythm. Follow your dreams, even if you don't know where to start. Walk your dog every day, even if she's a hundred years old and it takes her 20 minutes to do a half-block around the neighborhood. Push your cat in a stroller, even if you know everyone is going to make fun of you for it. Smile kindly at every person you encounter, even if they don't smile back. Take another bite of that chocolate cheesecake, even though summer is here and you still want to lose that five extra pounds. Learn how to swing a golf club with your husband, even if you know you're never going to get it right. Enjoy the sunshine. Enjoy the rain. Enjoy life!

Do it today. You never know where there's not going to be a tomorrow.

That, my friends, is what I learned this week.