Book Review: Outliers by Malcolm Gladwell

OUTLIERS

****

I first became interested in this book when my husband bought a book by Malcolm Gladwell called Tipping Point. I mentioned this to a friend and she told me a little bit about Outliers. The book is about what makes the true Outliers in the world (for example, Tiger Woods) outliers. The idea of the book intrigued me, and my friend's recommendation made me think it was worth looking into.

I tried to find an audio copy but it was ridiculously expensive so I canned the whole idea. Then one day I was browsing through books on my online Nook shop and found it for a reasonable price so I purchased it. The first few chapters were kind of interesting, but it seemed like Malcolm Gladwell was Captain Obvious. One of the first points he makes in the book is that if a student is one of the older students in class (depending on how birthdays fall) there are a lot of advantages, to include opportunities with sports. That seemed like a no-brainer but I kept reading anyway and I'm glad I did.

There are many interesting things about this book and many points I had not considered before reading about them. For example, Asians do have a mathematical advantage over us because the naming convention for their numbering system makes more sense than ours. That being the case, they are able to count higher at a younger age and the advantage continues from there.

Gladwell himself is an interesting character. I saw him recently in an interview on 60 Minutes, where he talked a little about why the underdog can actually have an advantage by being the underdog. If the underdog knows he can't beat the favorite by conventional methods, he may work to find an approach to winning that would not have otherwise been thought of, in which case, the advantage actually goes to the underdog.

I would recommend this book to anyone who is interested in a different way of looking at things and being introduced to some new concepts. It's a good non-fiction book from a perspective that you haven't already heard a hundred times before.

Book Review - Nadia Knows Best by Jill Mansell

NADIA KNOWS BEST

*****

I downloaded this book a few weeks ago for the bargain price of $1.99. The reader reviews raved on and on about the book and the author, so I hoped it would be a cute story.

I started reading it and after the first chapter or two, I got involved in a different book I was reading and finished that one first, then returned to Nadia Knows Best. At some point I fell in love with the characters. Not only does Jill Mansell have a compelling story line for all of her characters, she also keeps mystery and intrigue flowing throughout the book.

There are several different love stories within this book and something crazy going on with every character. Just as the book's moving in the direction you think it's going to go, something unpredictable happens that changes everything and keeps you turning pages. There is an undercurrent of a broken family trying to stick together through everything. There were so many layers to this book, yet at the same time, it was a fun, lighthearted read.

I was enjoying this book so much that two-thirds of the way through it, I downloaded a half-dozen more books by the same author. I had never heard of Jill Mansell before but she is a best-selling author out of Bristol in England, and she has sold more than 7 million copies of her books.

I recommend this book to anyone looking for a lighthearted read with lovable characters and something more than the boy meets girl and they live happily ever after story.

I Could Have Missed the Pain...But I'd Have Had to Miss the Dance

I could’ve missed the pain…but I’d have had to miss the dance.

There are so many things I could say, so many memories, so many songs that have new meaning. This week, my family lost a beloved husband, father, brother, grandfather, uncle and friend. It has been the worst week of my life. Normally I can find a way to be OK with things like this, but I couldn’t pull it together this week. My feelings for my uncle were one thing to deal with, but they weren’t the only thing. There was also the family that was close to him – my aunt and my cousins – that I couldn’t stop grieving for. By the time everything was over, all the tears, all the hurt, all the shock, all the despair, the words to this song rang truer than they ever have for me before. I could have missed the pain…but I wouldn’t have given up the dance for anything.

My uncle was a unique individual to say the least. I never remember a time when he wasn’t in my life. When my sister and I were little, I remember him and my aunt coming to visit often and I remember how much he would play with us. The thing that strikes me so much about it now is that he wasn’t even a blood relative, but I knew he loved us so much and I knew that being around us was one of his favorite things.

Through the years as we were growing up, I remember generosity beyond measure. There were little things – like when I was a kid and I was at his house one day and he handed me a bag and told me he couldn’t get it open, so I opened it for him and inside was a coveted vinyl Michael Jackson album that put a grin on my face that didn’t fade for a week. Then there were the big things like when he and my aunt opened up their house to me and my sister for an entire year during college. I realize now what a huge imposition many people would consider something like that, but I don’t believe either one of them thought twice about it.

When I think about my uncle, there are a few things about him that really stand out to me: He was always happy, always smiling, always up for a good time or a good joke. He never wanted to antagonize anyone or focus on negative things. He wanted good for everyone, and if he could make another person’s “good” a little better, he would do it. One of the things my aunt said today was that she heard so many stories of things he did for people that she never even knew about. She said he just did it and didn’t talk about it. If I could put my finger on one thing that made my uncle such a great person, this would probably be it.

But really, he was so much more than that. He was a man who truly cared about the people he loved and he lived his life in a way we could all learn from. The man enjoyed the moment, enjoyed the day, and enjoyed the company he was with. He did things that made him happy. He raised two wonderful girls with my aunt, and he had a huge extended family of people who loved him.

We all lost a little part of our hearts this week. I wouldn’t want it any other way, though.

I want to remember him for everything he was to me and my family. I want everyone reading this to know what a good person he was and how much he is loved and will be missed.

I love you, Uncle Jim. And I wouldn’t trade anything for that dance.

Here's to the best of you - What I learned this week

It's a simple lesson and something that I've heard a thousand times - if you look for the best or worst in anything, you will find it.

Generally, I consider myself a positive person. But just like anyone, I can be wickedly judgmental and very eager to pull the trigger on people I know and people I don't know.

I realized this week that I've been going astray. I was thinking about someone I'm friends with on my Facebook page. We do not see eye to eye on the issue of guns and gun control, and I believe she is just as passionate about her view as I am about mine. Often I post anti-gun control feeds and anti-Obama remarks. She ignores them all. She does, however, repost, comment and like my posts about saving abused animals, dogs who save people, etc. She, in essence, accepts our differences (which could be viewed by her as the worst in me) and focuses on the things we have in common (which could be viewed by her as the best in me), and I love her for that.

I am not sure what made me think about this so much this past week. I realized that we often tend to view anything we don't have in common with something as 'negative' because someone isn't doing something the way we would do it. I have generally lost my acceptance of people who aren't like me somewhere along the way, and I'm trying to get it back.

It's not that I don't give her or anyone else the same respect she gives me by ignoring things that are of no use to comment on. It's that I do feel that I needlessly judge people who do things differently than me sometimes without ever stopping to think that maybe their way is working for them. Without ever respecting the fact that it's this person's journey, not mine; this person's struggle, not mine; and hopefully someday this person's triumph in whatever struggle they are enduring.

I want to get back to loving people and accepting them for who they are, whoever that may be. Sadly, what once came naturally is going to be a conscious effort. But I believe it's worth it.

Thanks to everyone who accepts me for who I am. Much love to all. :)

Managing Cats and People - What I Learned This Week

Bandit cuddling in a blanket someone made for Jackson.

No matter how much you may want to beat them sometimes, cats generally respond better to positive reinforcement. Bandit looks like a real sweetheart in this picture, but pictures can be deceiving. The problem with Bandit is he's a dominant pet and he's a jealous pet. Often I see him swatting at Bailey's butt when he's passing through but since Bailey doesn't seem to notice it's not a big deal. What is a big deal, apparently, is that Bailey sleeps in our room with us at night, which is where Bandit used to sleep. Apparently it doesn't matter that Bandit could still sleep on the bed with us since Bailey is on the floor. All that matters is Bailey is in there and Bandit wants to be in there, but not if Bailey's going to be in there. His way of letting us know he's not pleased is by peeing or pooping on the hardwood floor downstairs, or both. This is not the first time we've had this issue with Bandit, and I've learned from past experience that the best way to get him to stop is not to yell at him, smack his ass, confine him to the gym, bath him or shave him (although that doesn't stop us from doing those things). Does anyone know what the best way to get a cat to listen to you is? Positive reinforcement. So, what I have to do to get him to stop is take him to his litter box every day when I get home from work, wait until he pees and poops in there, then bring him upstairs and make a big deal over him and give him a treat. I keep doing this for a few days and he will stop. Or at least he did last time when he was mad at us for taking a vacation. Let's hope it works again because Brian is not amused with this and keeps threatening to find him another home.

Managing people is not much different than managing cats. They're aloof. They're disinterested. They often think they are better than they actually are. They want to know what's in it for them without ever caring about what they can do for you. And if they think anyone is stepping on their toes, look out. They may not poop on the floor in protest, but they have their ways of making it known they are not happy. A lot of time being a manager is spent getting the employee to do what you want them to do (taking them to the litter box to shit) and stroking their egos when they do a good job (fussing over them giving them a nice kitty treat). One of the hard parts about management is figuring out what kind of kitty treat each person likes. Each one is different and none of them are as easy to figure out as I thought. Working with people is so different as a manager than it is as a co-worker.

The month of March owes us nothing. I used to think of it as a month of hope. Next year, if I haven't moved somewhere warmer yet, I will remember that it's a month of transition, and I should just expect it to suck only slightly less than February did. It's nice that the daylight hours are longer. And that's all.

Quality people will tolerate a rant once in a while. This week's FB rant was PMS-induced. But apparently my friends didn't mind. Which brings me to my next point...

Keep quality people in your life and weed out the rest. You deal with a-holes at work because they pay you to. You deal with a-holes on the road because you don't have a choice. Same with public places like the grocery store. You're dealing with a-holes all the time just because you have to. Why would you make them part of your leisure time where you get to choose who you spend time with? I spent too many years just hoping everyone would like me and putting myself out there to get walked on if someone wanted to. At some point, I realized I have no time for that. I would rather be alone than spend time with people who drain me. I would rather see good friends a few times a year than have lots of shoddy people in my life. The way I see it, I'm a good person and I deserve to have good people around me. If you're reading this, you're one of them.

It's not worth it to get mad about the people you're sharing the roads with. "Wow, that guy really dazzled me with his driving skills today," said no one, ever. Yet every day it seems like someone wants to show you how fast they can drive in undesirable conditions, how loud they can rev their engines, how quickly they can cut someone off only to slam on their brakes, the list goes on and on and on. You can let it get you mad and stress yourself out by tailgating the offending driver, gesturing to the driver, or whatever, or you can just sit back and enjoy the music in your car, take in the sky and whatever beauty is around you and enjoy your commute. Other drivers are always going to be idiots. There is nothing you can do to change it. You may as well focus your energy on something positive.

Do what makes you happy. Doing things to make other people happy will never make you happy. Figure out what you really want and do it. Yes, you are worth it. Don't believe that voice in your head that tells you anything different.

How does a story begin? One page at a time.

Thinking about the new scenario for the next book in the Jessica Summer series as I'm finishing up the paranormal book. I have the backdrop, the characters, a vague idea of what's going to happen and nothing more. 

Often I start by writing out a page or two that will be in the middle of the book if it doesn't get cut altogether. The starting page or two helps me to get to know the characters a little better and how they interact with one another. From there, I sketch out a beginning, a middle and an ending, adding and deleting characters and scenes as I go.

You will probably not see the finished product for about a year. But here's the start. I thought it would be fun to take you along on this journey.

I wasn’t expecting to see him here. Him being here means that he was thinking about me. Him being here means that he was interested in my success. Him being here means that he cares.

I’m not sure I want him to care. As far as I know, I can’t handle Joe Costa caring about me. It would change everything.

He offers me a half grin, his eyes fixed on me, hand hanging on the front pocket of his jeans.

“Hey.”

I lift my chin ever so slightly. “Hey.”

He runs a hand through his hair. “I was just in the neighborhood…”

“Right.” Everything about this moment feels awkward.

“I thought maybe you could use a hand.” He glances around. “But it looks like you have everything under control.”

“I think so.”

“Place looks good.”

“Thank you.”

“Logan coming by tonight?”

“Not tonight. He’s out with his friends, so…”

Joe nods. And then I get the look. You know that look you get right before someone is about to pull you into his arms and…. I wait, daring to look into his eyes, my breath stilled.

“So I guess I should go.”

“Unless you want to stay.” I shuffle my feet, my hands in my back pockets. “I mean, for coffee or something.”

“I could stay. But not for coffee.”

Backing up, I gesture toward my living area and Joe steps further into my apartment. Joe Costa in my apartment, sitting on my couch in my living room.

I stand at a distance, unsure of myself. “If not coffee, then…”

“I don’t like you being with Logan. The guy’s a jerk and he doesn’t deserve you.”

I shrug. “What would you suggest I do?”

“Get rid of him. Go solo for a little while. Find someone better.”

“Someone like you?” I am hard-pressed to stop my temper. “Someone who throws me a bone every once in a while but isn’t really interested in me? Someone who will talk the talk from here to eternity and back but never act on anything? Someone who can’t commit to an evening let alone the thought of any kind of a relationship…”

“I should leave.” He stands to leave, taking a few steps toward the door.

“Of course you should. You should leave and I should end it with Logan for no apparent reason.”

He stops in his tracks, whirling around. There is something in his eyes. Anger. Determination. Frustration. I can’t decide what it is before he grabs my wrists, pushing me against the wall. Without a word, he crushes his lips against mine. His hands are on my waist, his body hovering before mine.

Even as he pulls away, I want more. His eyes are searching just for a moment before I close the gap, my lips touching his, my body now against the length of him. He is solid. Hard and muscular. Strong. Agonizing.

“Lauren, stop,” he murmurs against my lips. “Stop.”

I look up at him, my eyes wide.

“I shouldn’t have come here.” He backs away from me further. “Bad decision. I’m sorry.”

“Why do you do things like this, Joe? Show up at my place and tell me that I should end it with Logan? Kiss me and then leave?”

“You want me to stay and do what? You want me to kiss you again? Here’s the problem with that. If I kiss you again, I’m going to want more. And if I get what I want if I kiss you again, things are going to be really awkward between us.”

I consider this for a moment, but probably not long enough. “If you spent the night here, Joe…”

He puts up a hand. “I’m not going to. I’m not going to do anything other than apologize and leave.”

“You are the most frustrating person I’ve ever met.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t make it any better.”

“Maybe not. The fact that you don’t want to accept my apology doesn’t make me any less sorry.” He thinks for a moment. “OK. Maybe not sorry. I can’t say I’m sorry that I kissed you. I am sorry because kissing you was selfish and disrespectful. I’m going to leave. Have a good night, Lauren.”

He walks toward the door, murmuring another apology as he grabs the handle and lets himself out. My life with Joe Costa just got a little more complicated.

Dogs in the Clouds

This may sound crazy but I swear it's true. Ever since Sammy died, I see dogs in the clouds. And every time I see a dog in the cloud, I think of it as a message from her.

It didn't start until a few weeks after we had to put Sammy down. I would be out walking, or driving to or from work and see it there, plain as day, from the ears to the tail, along with all four paws. Every time I would see it, it was only there for no more than 30 seconds before it would dissipate into an object of no particular shape.

Eventually, the images became two dogs playing with each other. I am not sure if this happened after we got Bailey or if the timing was just random, but every time I saw one dog in the clouds, I would look for the second one playing with the first one because it was there every time.

One day I mentioned this to my hair stylist and she suggested that I should try to take a picture of it when it happens again. After that conversation, it didn't happen again for a long time. I thought maybe I had seen the last of it, that Sammy had gone off into doggy heaven, her job to let us know that she was OK fulfilled. I accepted that, but I was still disappointed to think I would never get a message from Sammy again.

A few nights ago when we were in the hot tub, though, I did see it again. Once again, from the pointy ears to the tip of the tail, there was a cloud in the sky that looked like a dog. I pointed it out to Brian and he saw it too. I remembered about the second dog that was always present with the first dog and looked a little to the left, where, sure as the sun rises every morning, there was another cloud resembling a dog. This one had its rear legs straightened, tail curling upwards and front legs bent as if in a playing stance. I pointed that one out to Brian as well and he said, "Yeah, I see both of them. It doesn't really get any clearer than that."

"Sammy's back," I told him. "She always sends these messages in the clouds."

Maybe we are crazy. But I remember when Christoper Reeve died, his wife, who had spent so many years his faithful companion caring for him after his accident, looked out her bedroom window that night and saw an awesome display of shooting stars. She said you can choose to believe things like this can be explained scientifically or you can believe that it truly is loved ones communicating to us from beyond. She said she chose to believe the latter.

So do I, Mrs. Reeve. So do I.