I Could Have Missed the Pain...But I'd Have Had to Miss the Dance

I could’ve missed the pain…but I’d have had to miss the dance.

There are so many things I could say, so many memories, so many songs that have new meaning. This week, my family lost a beloved husband, father, brother, grandfather, uncle and friend. It has been the worst week of my life. Normally I can find a way to be OK with things like this, but I couldn’t pull it together this week. My feelings for my uncle were one thing to deal with, but they weren’t the only thing. There was also the family that was close to him – my aunt and my cousins – that I couldn’t stop grieving for. By the time everything was over, all the tears, all the hurt, all the shock, all the despair, the words to this song rang truer than they ever have for me before. I could have missed the pain…but I wouldn’t have given up the dance for anything.

My uncle was a unique individual to say the least. I never remember a time when he wasn’t in my life. When my sister and I were little, I remember him and my aunt coming to visit often and I remember how much he would play with us. The thing that strikes me so much about it now is that he wasn’t even a blood relative, but I knew he loved us so much and I knew that being around us was one of his favorite things.

Through the years as we were growing up, I remember generosity beyond measure. There were little things – like when I was a kid and I was at his house one day and he handed me a bag and told me he couldn’t get it open, so I opened it for him and inside was a coveted vinyl Michael Jackson album that put a grin on my face that didn’t fade for a week. Then there were the big things like when he and my aunt opened up their house to me and my sister for an entire year during college. I realize now what a huge imposition many people would consider something like that, but I don’t believe either one of them thought twice about it.

When I think about my uncle, there are a few things about him that really stand out to me: He was always happy, always smiling, always up for a good time or a good joke. He never wanted to antagonize anyone or focus on negative things. He wanted good for everyone, and if he could make another person’s “good” a little better, he would do it. One of the things my aunt said today was that she heard so many stories of things he did for people that she never even knew about. She said he just did it and didn’t talk about it. If I could put my finger on one thing that made my uncle such a great person, this would probably be it.

But really, he was so much more than that. He was a man who truly cared about the people he loved and he lived his life in a way we could all learn from. The man enjoyed the moment, enjoyed the day, and enjoyed the company he was with. He did things that made him happy. He raised two wonderful girls with my aunt, and he had a huge extended family of people who loved him.

We all lost a little part of our hearts this week. I wouldn’t want it any other way, though.

I want to remember him for everything he was to me and my family. I want everyone reading this to know what a good person he was and how much he is loved and will be missed.

I love you, Uncle Jim. And I wouldn’t trade anything for that dance.